4 a.m.

I awoke yesterday morning around 4 a.m. which is pretty typical these days. I get up a lot because sweet baby boy pushes on my bladder and I gotta pee. This particular morning, I went to the bathroom, got back in bed, TRIED to get comfy, and laid there with eyes open. Sleep, where are you?! Instead of sleeping, my body and mind decided to get anxious. Middle of the night anxiety is the absolute worse! It's a dark place, literally. 

I thought about baby boy, about going through natural labor and delivery again, about being in the hospital away from my daughter for several days, about how she is going to feel when she sees me holding her brother for the first time, about my children sharing a room (where is all their stuff gonna go?!), about wanting to buy expensive bedding for boy's crib from etsy but it seems so unnecessary, about the months left before our due date and what needs to be done and bought, about my husband and how I'm so annoying to be around right now because my body aches and I'm so tired all the time, about how my midwife told me that my iron is low and I need to be eating leafy greens and fish! But do you know how hard that is when you are pregnant? I want ice cream and donuts and Chik-fil-a breakfast sandwiches. I thought about the unknown future and the feeling of being in limbo, about how I hate the nights my husband has to work and the loneliness I feel sometimes, about how I wished I were better at being a 'housewife' like they were in the 50's, like my mom was when I was growing up, about how I wish I didn't let people get in my head and I listened better to my own intuition.

There is so much to think about at 4 a.m., isn't there? 

So I get on Facebook feeling groggy, knowing I probably won't get any fulfillment by doing so but do it anyway and see this:

This screws me up a lot. 

And it's why I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about every detail of life because everything is supposed to be a lot easier than this, right?

Well, no. Life isn't supposed to be any certain way- it's supposed to be how we make it. We have the choice to let go of the worries and take it all as it comes. Easy huh? :)

P.S. This quote was posted by Glennon Melton of Momastery. If you don't follow her- I highly suggest you do. She's crazy honest and has inspired me beyond anything I could have imagined. She rocks my world. http://www.momastery.com

This is making me bloom today:

*A walk with a BFF and her brand new babe

*Dinner with my girls last night that left me feeling complete and cared for

*This cup of coffee in my hand

*70 degree weather

*Good news